It was the end of another busy weekday as a young man drove his way home. At this moment, all he wanted was to be there, his blue eyes currently filled with exhaustion and expectation. While it was what he desired at the end of every workday, some days he wanted to be just about anywhere but the office. Maybe a computer or other piece of machinery stopped working properly. Maybe a coworker got under his skin and frustrated him. Maybe the day was just dull and utterly lacking in anything remotely interesting. Whatever the case, today was one of those days.

“I want to go home; I need to relax.” This phrase, on repeat, was just about the only thing in his head. The music on the radio was just a bunch of white noise to him. The other cars on the road were little more than obstacles for him to avoid. The events of the day seemed as distant as childhood memories. Before he knew it, he was in his neighborhood, pulling up to his house’s driveway.

“Finally...” the man spoke with a sigh, as exited his silver car. In one hand he had his keys, while the other held onto his briefcase. He locked the vehicle and wearily walked up to the front door.

“I’m home...” he called out as he locked the door behind him.

“I’m in the kitchen, honey!” his wife replied.

“Okay...”

The man sighed again, resting the briefcase against the wall and tossing the keys into the nearby dish. Now that he was within the walls of his home, a relieved smile spread across his face. He walked a few feet toward the nearby drawers, on top of which rested several personal photos of his friends and family. But what he was after was within the top drawer. He opened it, revealing the object he was seeking: A blue ring pacifier suited for an adult.

“Hmmmmm...”

The moment he popped it into his mouth, every stressful, negative thought and memory melted away. With every suck, he felt more at peace. His eyes closed, and every passing second his legs felt weaker and weaker. He could just sit down onto the floor and block everything out if he wanted to.

“How’s my big boy?”

His wife wrapped her arms around him, pleasantly smiling. He opened his eyes and smiled back. The embrace also filled him with a warm, comforting feeling, as did his loved one’s kind, green eyes. Somehow, this made his legs sturdy, while also making him feel more relaxed at the same time.

“Mmmf.” He shrugged, pacifier still in his mouth.

“Bet you had a rough day, Steven...barely 30 seconds in and you’re already sucking on that thing!” she spoke, her tone on the border between lover and mother.

He took the pacifier out before replying: “You have no idea...I’d rather not get into it, Karen.”

“Okay. Am I going to have to diaper you tonight?”

“Eh...we’ll see.”

“Heh heh...you go relax for a bit; I’ll be needing you shortly!”

“Gotcha. Love you...” Steven pecked his wife on the cheek.

“Love you too!” Karen kissed him back on the lips, before putting the pacifier back in his mouth for him.

He continued to smile while his wife reentered the kitchen, her long blond hair shifting in line with her body’s movements as she walked. Sighing once more, he took his shoes off, tiredly shuffled to the living room couch, and plopped himself onto it.

“Mmmmmmmm...”

Steven’s eyes were shut as he continued to suck on his pacifier, and the world around him ceased to exist. The silence of the house (besides the tempting sounds of Karen’s cooking) was always a boon when it came to his relaxation. Here, in the recesses of his mind, could he find true solitude. It was a meditation of sorts: Just a few minutes of peace, as he sucked on the pacifier and thought of only pleasant memories and things, was all he needed at the end of a stressful day. It had been so long since he had started that it became routine for both him and Karen.

In rare instances, the pacifier wasn’t enough to satisfy Steven, which meant he had to regress just a bit further to keep his mind at ease. In one of the drawers in the Master Bedroom, there was a pack of diapers, which were more like adult-sized baby diapers than the standard incontinence ones. Unlike the typical adult baby, Steven did not consider diapers to be the most important item; the pacifier was enough for him, most of the time. However, he could not deny the soft, cushy feeling the padding had, and it calmed him down during certain nights when his mind would not stop wandering to unpleasant topics. Steven tried to limit his diaper-wearing, though, since Karen would always give him weird looks whenever he walked around in one. So, he only wore them to bed, or when he had the house all to himself for an extended period.

(How long has it been since I first experienced this feeling? It must be close to 20 years by now...)

Steven vividly recalled the memory: At age 7, he stole his younger brother’s pacifier as a prank, while the little one snoozed away. Out of simple curiosity, Steven tried it out, not really expecting anything. Instead, he felt strangely at ease, like nothing bad could ever happen as long as he continued to use it. Of course, when Mom found out, she was quite angry at Steven, and not just because he had swiped it from his brother.

“You’re too old for that! You’re not a baby!” He remembered the words as if they were spoken yesterday. Steven felt a great shame at the time; he was indeed too old for infantile acts like pacifier sucking, and he knew it. But for years, he wanted to try it again. The urge to buy a pacifier of his own came and went, sometimes staying for weeks, other times only a day or two. There was even a several-year gap in his teenage years where he didn’t even think about it. But once he reached his 20s, the feeling returned, and this time, it could not be shaken loose.

“I’m an adult now; I can do whatever I want!” Steven tried to calm his then-rattled nerves with that mantra, yet the anxiety and fear could not be so easily dissipated. Even when the object of his desire rested within his hands, he trembled and sweated, slowly bringing the pacifier to his lips. Only when he began to suck on it did he feel any sense of calm; it was just as good as he had remembered it all those years ago. The pleasantness was so intoxicating, he could not bring himself to part with it until the following day...except when he needed to hide it from others, of course.

Around the same time, Steven had discovered he was not alone in having childish urges. He was intrigued, yet confused, at the existence of AB/DLs. Even now, as he lay on the couch and these memories floated about in his mind, he could not fully grasp the concept of wearing diapers as an adult. He certainly understood the comfort, having experienced it firsthand several times, but he was apparently in the minority when it came to his feelings about it.

(They’re nice, but pacifiers are far better...)

To Steven, the pacifier was the defining AB tool. He would take it over diapers any day of the week. As comfortable as they were, diapers just didn’t fill him with the same sense of peace and relaxation as a pacifier. He did not care for ageplay, mostly because what little AB activities he did weirded his wife out, but also because he did not miss being a child. And of course, anything beyond diapers and pacifiers was completely out of the question, both in terms of his desires and what Karen would find acceptable.

(This...lifestyle, I suppose you’d call it...isn’t much different than that of an addict. Who knows how many people have become over-dependent on regression? Some people can’t stop drinking, or smoking, or gambling, or doing drugs...and others can’t stop wearing diapers or acting like a kid. Some days, I wonder if I’ll fall prey to my selfish desires...will my pacifier be enough? Am I going to need diapers more and more? Will I eventually be nothing more than a grown adult desperately trying to be a kid again, and abandon all my responsibilities? I hope it will never come to that...)

“Steven, sweetie...”

His trance was finally broken by his wife’s sweet words, and her gentle caressing of his cheek. Steven’s eyes lazily opened and focused on Karen’s smiling face.

“I need your help with dinner. Come on, time to be an adult again!”

“Mmmm...” He nodded, then removed the pacifier from his mouth. “Sorry. You know how I get...”

“Ten minutes should be more than enough ‘paci time’.”

“It is...”

With a grunt, Steven sat up and got off the couch, following Karen back into the kitchen. For now, he was satisfied, ready to return to the world of adults.